Bottom of the Barrel (no.6): Ghostbusters 2

Well we have a new Ghostbusters movie coming out soon so before it becomes the fandom's punching bag, let's talk about the previous claimant to that dubious honor: Ghostbusters 2.

Or to be more precise, the game I played that called itself Ghostbusters 2.

This was a game I played when I was a little tacker alongside my brother (more on that later) on the venerable Commodore 64. Unsurprisingly, this is yet one more title in the dubious field of 'movie-tie-in-game'. So naturally, we can expect the following: Not much of a game speak of and what little there is restricted to following the plot of the movie.
Of course, many of you younger tykes may scoff at the notion of playing an ancient Commodore 64 game but I can assure you that a) the Commodore 64 was capable of far better games than this and b) the problems that befall current 'movie-tie-in-games' existed back in 1989 and have since been never properly solved.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Observe, if you will, a longplay of the full game:

Original video located here. Accessed 4th July 2016

As you can see, the game consists of three sections that follow the movie closely: First, we have a Ghostbuster (Ray?) descending down the shaft into the Van Horne subway tunnel to retrieve a slime sample. Next, we have the Statue of Liberty striding through New York with it's flame torch defeating swarms of ghosts and finally we have the Ghostbusters themselves confronting Vigo at the museum.
It's certainly a creative and varied approach to game design yes but does it work in practice?

Of course not.

You see, the biggest problem with this game is that the gameplay and controls are a disaster. You, the player are expected to use both the joystick AND the keyboard at the same time!
In the first section, the single-button joystick is used to control the Ghostbuster but the keyboard is used to select the right item to use. And good luck choosing the right item when things are getting hectic!
Later, in the second section, the joystick controls the fireball but the keyboard is used to control the direction of the New York populace who are collecting the slime of the defeated ghosts. That may sound easy in practice were it not for the ghosts marching on the ground and killing off your dudes! And good luck keeping track of everything happening on both the ground and the air!
As for the third section, I didn't see it that often: That second section was more or less a killer for me.

With controls like that you really needed a second person to play this game. And that's where my brother came in: We joined forces to play this game with him on the joystick and me on the keyboard.
We never succeeded in beating the game however. Our attempts were dogged by the tough difficulty, the frustrating gameplay and the unreliability of our gaming partner. That Second Section in particular was really an exercise in frustration even with a second person helping out. Example: I needed to catch the slime form the defeated ghosts. But kept missing big batches of it because of the ground ghosts blocked my path. Could I get my brother to help out and shoot the ground ghosts? No, because he was too tied up shooting the ghosts in the air....
In addition, on the few times we did make it the the third section, I relying on a guide, tried to convince my brother that Janosz (the first enemy) with the slime gun/pack, Vigo (the second enemy) had to be defeated with the Proton Pack. But my brother never believed me.
Still, watching this video I take comfort in the knowledge that I was right.

Of course, this is just one more addition to massive pile of 'movie-tie-in-game' that plague gaming history. Mind you, I will concede that they all can't be the 'lightning in the bottle' success that was Goldeneye but they could at least try and put some effort into it.

Bottom of the Barrel (no.5): Wild Pilot

It's been a while since I last did one of these so here we go:

Does anyone remember an arcade game called Wild Pilot?
I do. And I hated it.

First a description: Wild Pilot was one of the shooter arcade game where the player controlled a cross-hairs and shot things. Wild Pilot's gimmick was that the players were situated in an airplane the targets were all forms of aircraft. And the ultimate goal for each area was to hunt down some criminal, also in an airplane, and bring them down to claim a bounty.

However, what annoyed me about this game was the airplane the players were using was a World War 1 Biplane.
Yes you heard me: A biplane.

This annoyed me on two levels: Firstly, I was confused by why the PCs were using a biplane. Didn't they have enough money? Is that why the PCs were resorting to bounty hunting - because they really needed the money?
And secondly, the odds here are just absurd:
Your foes range from Harrier Jump-jets, Helicopter Gunships and F15's. You have a biplane.
Your foes have the best military aircraft hardware. You have a flying crate.
Your foes have the best weaponry they can find. You have something that will be shot out of the sky in mere minutes.

Granted I'm just irate that I was never any good at this game - I would rather shoot the target then the aircraft in front of it (because that was the aim of the game right?) - but looking back years later, this is not a game that has aged well. Never mind the near impossible odds, the visuals don't look that crash hot either. 

True this game may have it's fans but I'm not one of them.
Dammit, just talking about this game makes me angry.
Just look at this video and draw your own conclusions (dig that crazy scaling!):

Original video located here. Accessed 12th November 2014

Bottom of the Barrel (no.4): Belial

It's been awhile since I'd last done one of these so lets talk some trash.

I want to tell you all about a game called Belial which appeared on the Commodore Amiga. Now, I may be cheating this time around as I've never played this game and only became aware of it through youtube. But what there is defies belief:

Original video located here. Accessed 6th September 2013

Where do I start? The entire game is a rip-off of Ghosts N Goblins! The graphics look terrible, the PC sprite is directly lifted from the Commodore 64 version of the game, the difficulty is absurd (perhaps more so than it's progenitor), the boss fights laughable and the whole thing stinks of being done by some pirates working out of their bedroom with a half-arsed approach and only concerned with sucking dollars from suckers.
But most striking of all is, for me, the music which is a recreation of Kraftwerk's 'Das Model'. Funny. i wouldn't have associated a song about consumerism to be associated with a horror-themed game. Mind you, it is peculiar to see this game from the passage of time - it looks bizarre, strange and, in a way, comical. Still, I hope Ralf Hutter took legal action...

Bottom of the Barrel (no.3): Operation Thunderbolt

It's been awhile since I'd last done a rant on games I've despised so, seeing as I have little to talk about, now may be as good time as any.

Today I want to talk about Rail Shooters. Can't say I'm a big fan of them - you see my problem is that usually there's so much coming for the player that there's little fighting chance left for the player. Thus, the player soaks up bullets he can't dodge and facing odds that they don't have a hope in hell of beating. Now whilst there may be some amusement value - I myself played, and enjoyed the Terminator 2 arcade game back in the day - Rail Shooters aren't really my thing. No, give me first- person shooters any day - at least they have the option of ducking out of fire. 

Which brings me to Operation Wolf - a milestone in Rail Shooters. Released in the arcades, it played by presenting the player with a gun and, through the player's perspective, produced a whole lot of army soldiers to gun down. It came across as being like the action movies of it's time and, through mission descriptions, evoked the sense of a Special Forces operation. The game was a big enough deal to get converted to nearly every home computers and consoles. So a sequel eventually arrived: Operation Thunderbolt!

I myself never played Operation Wolf but I did play Operation Thunderbolt on my trusty Commodore 64. For the purposes of today's post however I present the Amiga version:



One look at the video reveals everything I despise about the Rail Shooter. There's no way to dodge the bullets so all you can do is soak them up and watch helplessly as your health decreases. The levels are long and tedious and thus become less a challenge than an endurance test. There's so much coming at you all at once that the difficulty is ramped up to the level of 'impossible'. Indeed, the only thing that player would need to beat this game would be luck and luck shouldn't have to play a part in beating games. Matters aren't helped with the absurd length of the plane in the final mission and a narrator who sounds like Duffman.

So playing Operation Thunderbolt was enough to put me off Rail Shooters. Okay so there've been some I've enjoyed in the form of Virtua Cop, Gunblade and Hous eof the Dead Overkill but all in all, Operation Thundebrolt made me approahc the genre with a degree of caution.
And I hope it feels damn proud of itself >:(

Bottom of the Barrel (no.2): Double Dragon

I have to admit I have little to talk about today - so what the hey, I may as well do another Bottom of the Barrel and rip into another game which I deem one of the worst ever made.

So we will dip into another game I played as a kid on the Commodore 64. Now I could go on and on about more recent games but a) as an adult I have my own money so I've been very careful in my game purchasing and b) there does lie the disturbing thought that if gaming tragedies like the one I'm about to tell you about are forgotten, the tragedy may repeat itself.

Anywho let's talk Double Dragon: One of the biggest gaming hits of the eighties. It was a big deal in the arcades and certainly offered a lot to the player: Two-player action, a then unheard of selection of fighting moves, huge sprites, and a somewhat compelling plot where the girlfriend of player character Billy Lee is kidnapped by a bunch of street punks so he, along with brother Jimmy, set out to rescue her. In it's day, Double Dragon was a big hit, an inspiration to many games to follow in the beat-em-up genre and was converted to every home system imaginable.

So how did the Commodore 64 version turn out?
......you really want to know?"



.........so where do I begin?
Well, much like I said in my Chase HQ assessment, I knew for fact that the Commodore 64 could better than this. Much better. But THIS! This is is so bad it defies belief!  The sprites are so small! The combat is so dull ("doof-doof-doof-ugh!")! The animation is so appalling! And Billy looks nothing like his arcade counterpart! This game has had a reputation of being one of the worst Commodore 64 games ever made and rightly so.
 But really that is as much I can say about this game - Just watch the video above and bear witness to the abomination  that this game is

I guess it goes to show that sometimes the game you played as a child is better left in the past...

Bottom of the Barrel (no.1): Chase HQ

Hello and welcome to a new series within this blog. You know, over the time I've done this blog, I've spoken a lot about the games I've liked but therein raises a question: What about the games I don't like? As I've been gaming for many years surely there has been some rubbish that has earned nothing but my scorn and contempt?

Well actually there is so may I present this series, where I talk about games I despise.
So to get the ball rolling, lets talk about a game called Chase HQ.

Chase HQ was originally released in the arcades in 1988. Inspired by the success of racing games at the time, Chase HQ offered a spin on the concept. Instead of racing against a computer opponent or against the clock, players assumed the role of a police officer in a car tracking down criminals. The player would take a set course in pursuit and catch up with the criminal at the halfway mark. From there, the player would need to stop the criminal through repeated ramming of their vehicle - but even then it was challenge to stop the criminal's vehicle before the time runs out.  It makes for a tense and  exciting scenario and, as such, was a big hit in the arcades.

Of course, I never got to play Chase HQ - nope I had to settle for  the conversion on my trusty Commodore 64. But as it turns out, I could've done better:


Look at this! The graphics are terrible, even by 8bit standards, and the sound is awful. Everything looks so stiff and dull. This is less about speeding down a highway in pursuit of a dangerous criminal and more plodding with a really ghastly sounding engine. This isn't exciting - it's downright tedious!
And the cars are badly drawn too: Why even as a child I saw the yellow car and always saw the face of a man with mustache:

And incidentally what gender is that person in the character sprite Nancy? I've seen footage of the arcade counterpart where Nancy has a woman's voice but here Nancy looks like a man - which, in retrospect, gives the interactions between him and the player character/driver a strangely homoerotic quality to it....

But I digress: I know for a fact that the Commodore 64 was a capable of doing so much better but this is a complete travesty. It's enough to out one off Racing games for life.

"Let's go Mr Driver!"?  No thanks